Slow Motion

These last couple months I have felt like everyone around me is in fast motion and I am in slow motion. It seems like everyone around me is moving on with their lives... experiencing new things; and I am stuck in a rut, barely moving. I feel like my days are one big constant prayer. Prayer for my family, prayer for patience, prayer for strength, and prayer for my children. I am waiting for God to do something, amaze me with His power. Then I feel guilty 'cause I think, "I shouldn't expect anything of God! That is not my place." But then I have people telling me, "You need to pray your heart out and claim your family! You need to let God know that you want your family restored. He will do it if you ask and pray hard enough." I am not sure about that. I mean I have faith that God can do it... but what about free will on Stephens part? Thats what I can't get past. Like I want to believe that God will do and I know that He CAN do it... but... *sigh* I guess I should say more so that I am going in circles. I have a lot of faith in God... but I know that I also have to be willing to accept the fact that maybe... maybe my family won't be restored... that my daughters are going to have to live life without their Daddy... and me without the one man that I love more then anyone else in this world. How then can I have faith that it will happen... yet at the same time be willing and prepared for it not to happen? It seems like a contradiction to me. I now feel like I am at a stand still. I am at a cross roads. One side is me moving on and accepting the fact that Stephen and I will be divorced and the other side is me fighting for my family no matter what, never giving up. I try to be still and listen to God, but... it seems almost impossible to quiet my mind. I don't know, maybe my doubts are coming from satan. I just need a lot of prayer right now. As I try to figure out where to go from here, what to do next. As I try to put some kind of a life together for the girls and I. I am trying to hold on, but every moment of every day I feel like I am about to fall apart. I constantly whisper to God to hold me together as my world falls apart around me. At times I feel like God is pointing me in a direction and the path is clear, but then a little bit later it seems cloudy and confusing... and I don't know what direction I should go. So I slowly put one hestitant foot in front of the other. Hoping and praying that I am going the right direction.