Once again I find myself needing the approval of someone else to be happy. When will I learn to be content where I am and with who I am? Why do I seem to always need someone else approval? At the same time... anyone who is being treated like they are stupid... rarely being talked to... or never complimented by the most important person in their life, would feel the same way as I do... right? Or am I just being selfish and setting myself up for disappointment by expecting certain things? that, folks, is probably the correct answer.
I was told by my pastor (and various other well meaning people) that I couldn't put expectation onto my husband. That 9 times out of 10 I would be disappointed... and that would only create bitterness. I get that but... at the same time... shouldn't he be saying he loves me... shouldn't he be telling me I am beautiful... shouldn't he give a hoot? Am I just digging myself a hole here? Expecting things out of a man that is... well... human? I know I should be looking to God for my fulfillment, but I mean... I don't know. He is God, I am His creation. Of course He is going to love me and everything. Why then would He have created me? I know, I know... I know everything that I am suppose to know... I understand it all and know how I should feel and act. It is just so hard not to look for the human approval I guess. I guess it just makes it hard that I love and adore him so much... but I don't really get anything in return. I am trying to just focus on God... and myself. I am trying to learn and grow and work through my own problems. At the same time though... so many of my issues are tied into my marriage... and nothing is being done there. *sigh* I don't know what to do any more. I feel like most of the time I am pounding my head against the wall and pulling my hair out. There seems to be no solution and I am just driving myself mad trying to find one.
Yes, I know. "Give it all to God!" I am trying... and I am not trying to sound rude or arrogant. I am just so tired... I want to be happy... I want to be content.
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