Repentance and Stubbornness

Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. James 4:8
   Confession I think is one of the strongest forms of freeing ones self. Giving over to God your sins and failures. Letting Him wash you clean... making you pure once again. For me though, confession... or a better term, repentance, does not come easily. I am a very proud person... I don't like being wrong... and more so... don't like actually saying it out loud when I am wrong. But in those moments when I give it all to God... when I repent and wipe my slate clean (well God does), I feel all the guilt lifted from me... I feel clean. You would think that I would learn my lesson and just always repent right away... confess when I am wrong. But no of course not! I seem to always want to learn everything the hard way. I feel like I am continually banging my head against a wall like a stubborn child. Screaming all the while, "NO! I don't want to do it!" I know my stubbornness is something that puts a strain on any and all of my relationships... I am so bull-headed! I would like to blame it on my irish blood, but sadly I know I cannot do that. :) It is just my selfish flesh... my demons getting joy out of "making" me stumble. I often think, "I will get it one day." Then I stumble and I think, "Or perhaps not." *sigh* All I know is that I do not want to be double-minded, stubborn, or have a guilty conscience. I want to be pure of heart and washed clean. So that when God looks down on me He sees a faithful servant who wants nothing more then to please Him and do His will.