This last week has been really rough. There are things that have happened that I could be obsessing over. Things that I could be worrying about and going over and over in my head how to deal with them... and I have! But I have actually been able to stop myself and give it to God. Yes, I have had to do that on several occassions, but I have done it. It has been very difficult. I do not easily trust... it seems like every time I have done that... I have been betrayed. I know that God is different, but I have to always remind myself of that. God is God. He is not us. He will not betray us, nor leave us in our greatest time of need. Even reminding myself of that right now is making me cry. It is so wonderful to know that I have the Lord. I do not know how people get through this life without Him. I would not have been able to survive the last 4 1/2 years without Him. I would be completely lost and a mess. Not that I am not a mess right now... but I know that I could have been so much worse. Even now I sit here and ache for what "could have been", but I know that God has some plan. That He is looking out for me. It is like something I heard in a song this week. I don't know the name of it or who sings it, but it had me crying by the first line. It touched me in such a deep way. I felt as if the song was for me. The one line that really got to me was, "What if the trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise." A concept that I never grasped before, but something that I have seen and experienced. An experience that at first seem like terrible trials, but then when I look back at them I realize that God was being merciful and keeping me (or a loved one) from something even more terrible. God is good... even in those moments when we want to shake our fists at Him and say, "God this isn't fair! How could You be so cruel?"
*UPDATE* I found the name of that song and who sings it! It is called "Blessings" and is sung by Laura Story. VERY good song. Have a listen!
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