So after my last entry I did a lot of thinking and soul searching. Writing out all of my feelings and frustrations was... a wake up call for me and theroputic. It made me truly realize how dangerous a ledge I was walking and also helped me start to move past all of it. I have started praying again and have started reading my Bible again. I had stopped doing either for about 2 months. Those were the lowest months of my life as I am sure you got from my last entry. Anyway, things are turning around.
I have started reading Job. Now I have heard the story of Job many times.. had verses quoted at me. You know the whole thing about how we need to praise God no matter what happens in our life (which I totally agree... now : P) The story of Job has never hit me like it has now. I guess maybe 'cause of the fact that I can connect with him on some levels. I have lost so much. But there is one area in which Job and I are very different. I still have my precious children. Job literally lost everything... and the worst thing that a parent could lose. Their child. I cannot even imagine what that would have been like. I mean I can imagine... and even doing that brings me to tears. And it's not like he lost just one... he lost ALL of them at the exact same time. Horrible. Yet, he had the faith to still turn to God, lift up his hands and say, "Who I am to question you? You are God and forever worthy to be praised." Have I been able to do that? No, not the whole time any way. I instead have been the like his faithless bitter wife... telling him to curse God and die. Needless to say Job has opened my eyes. I am still so very blessed... I have so much more that I could "lose". So I have made the choice to focus on my blessings... instead of focusing on the bad. I have written up lists and taped them on my mirror in my room to continually remind me. I am making the choice to still find joy in life... in my children. I have decided to go on with my life and focus on bettering myself and going the direction the Lord wants me to go.
Now on to that subject. I have always had the desire to go into the medical field. But once I got married and then had my daughter, I knew that God wanted me to be a stay at home mom. Also my husband wanted to be able to go to school and such. So I was fine with with not having my dreams... I was fine with having to make sacrifices for my family... I wanted to. But now that I am going to have to be the providor for my family I can now pursue those dreams... and I am so excited. I have bounced back and forth between nursing and becoming a surgical tech. Surgical Tech is more my speed because I would like to work in surgery, but at the same time I would be stuck just handing instruments to the nurses. Nursing I would have the "freedom" to do ER, scrub, ob, ICU, NICU... on and on it goes. The thing with nursing was that I thought I would need to be in school for 4 years to get my RN where as Surg Tech is just 2 years. Well, I found out from the head of the Nursing Department at IWU this last week that I can actually become a RN in 2 years and just hold an associates degree in nursing. Also with holding an associates dregree I would only make about $1 less a hour then a RN with a bachelors. I had never knew that. I thought that and associates degree is just a LPN... and I know that hospitals aren't hiring in LPNs any more, that really LPNs are only going to be able to get jobs in nursing homes or therapies. Which I do not want to do... I want to work in a hospital. Though I will have to work my way through the parts of nursing I don't like but... hey that's life. So anyway, I am now pretty sure I am going the nursing direction. As long as I can get plenty of financial aid! So, that is something that all of you (if anyone is still reading this) can be praying for me about. That God will lead and direct and will open doors. Thank you to anyone who is still reading this. I am sure it has been... annoying, painful, frustrating, and I am sure some of you if not all of you have wanted to slap me across the face many times! Well, I want to thank you for your prayers, your love, and your support. It means a lot to me.
I have started reading Job. Now I have heard the story of Job many times.. had verses quoted at me. You know the whole thing about how we need to praise God no matter what happens in our life (which I totally agree... now : P) The story of Job has never hit me like it has now. I guess maybe 'cause of the fact that I can connect with him on some levels. I have lost so much. But there is one area in which Job and I are very different. I still have my precious children. Job literally lost everything... and the worst thing that a parent could lose. Their child. I cannot even imagine what that would have been like. I mean I can imagine... and even doing that brings me to tears. And it's not like he lost just one... he lost ALL of them at the exact same time. Horrible. Yet, he had the faith to still turn to God, lift up his hands and say, "Who I am to question you? You are God and forever worthy to be praised." Have I been able to do that? No, not the whole time any way. I instead have been the like his faithless bitter wife... telling him to curse God and die. Needless to say Job has opened my eyes. I am still so very blessed... I have so much more that I could "lose". So I have made the choice to focus on my blessings... instead of focusing on the bad. I have written up lists and taped them on my mirror in my room to continually remind me. I am making the choice to still find joy in life... in my children. I have decided to go on with my life and focus on bettering myself and going the direction the Lord wants me to go.
Now on to that subject. I have always had the desire to go into the medical field. But once I got married and then had my daughter, I knew that God wanted me to be a stay at home mom. Also my husband wanted to be able to go to school and such. So I was fine with with not having my dreams... I was fine with having to make sacrifices for my family... I wanted to. But now that I am going to have to be the providor for my family I can now pursue those dreams... and I am so excited. I have bounced back and forth between nursing and becoming a surgical tech. Surgical Tech is more my speed because I would like to work in surgery, but at the same time I would be stuck just handing instruments to the nurses. Nursing I would have the "freedom" to do ER, scrub, ob, ICU, NICU... on and on it goes. The thing with nursing was that I thought I would need to be in school for 4 years to get my RN where as Surg Tech is just 2 years. Well, I found out from the head of the Nursing Department at IWU this last week that I can actually become a RN in 2 years and just hold an associates degree in nursing. Also with holding an associates dregree I would only make about $1 less a hour then a RN with a bachelors. I had never knew that. I thought that and associates degree is just a LPN... and I know that hospitals aren't hiring in LPNs any more, that really LPNs are only going to be able to get jobs in nursing homes or therapies. Which I do not want to do... I want to work in a hospital. Though I will have to work my way through the parts of nursing I don't like but... hey that's life. So anyway, I am now pretty sure I am going the nursing direction. As long as I can get plenty of financial aid! So, that is something that all of you (if anyone is still reading this) can be praying for me about. That God will lead and direct and will open doors. Thank you to anyone who is still reading this. I am sure it has been... annoying, painful, frustrating, and I am sure some of you if not all of you have wanted to slap me across the face many times! Well, I want to thank you for your prayers, your love, and your support. It means a lot to me.
Megan Joy...I'm so glad you've been in the Word and praying again. I'm so glad God is giving you a vision & joy & dreams for the future. I'm so glad you're writing again...it is therapeutic & helpful to write - I feel the same way about it.
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